To demonstrate why it's important to choose the right translator for your text...

Cocktail lounge, Norway:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

Doctor's office, Rome:
Specialist in women and other diseases.

Hotel, Acapulco:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan:
Cooles and heates: If you want condition of warm air in your room, please control yourself.

Car rental brochure, Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigour.

In a Nairobi restaurant:
Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.

On the grounds of a private school:
No trespassing without permission.

On a poster at Kencom:
Are you an adult that cannot read? If so, we can help.

In a cemetery:
Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.

Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
Guests are requested not to smoke or do other disgusting behaviours in bed.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

Hotel elevator, Paris:
Please leave your values at the front desk.

Hotel, Yugoslavia:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

Hotel, Zurich:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

A laundry in Rome:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today - no ice-cream.

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.

A sign in an Austrian hotel catering to skiers
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

In a Vienna hotel:
In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.

In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

A hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

Thailand: an ad for donkey rides
Would you like to ride on your own ass?.

Thailand: in a Bangkok dry-cleaners:
Drop your trousers here for best results.

Thailand: in a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.

In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

In a Tokyo hotel:
Is forbitten to steal hotel toweles please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read this notice.

In a Japanese hotel room:
Please to bathe inside the tub.

In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

Diversion sign in Kyushi, Japan:
Stop - Drive Sideways.

In a Hong Kong supermarket:
For your convenience, we recommend courageous, efficient self-service